Tuesday, 2 August 2011
wow oh wow...little did i know that it has been a year since i changed my job to a Sales Support Coordinator...
i looked at my previous entry.. and saw myself whining about my failed love life.. wahaha.. well how little has changed since then...
save for the love life, i am happy with what i have right now.
bosses and team mates that appreciate me.
company that appreciates me.
colleagues that appreciate me.
appreciation.
it is not about putting you up on stage and say "good job".
it is not about being mentioned in important emails.
it is not about knowing every single person in the company.
it is not about being promoted during every performance review.
it is when people start to say, "yes zaki can do it", "yes i'll leave that to zakster" or "yes you are the glue that bonds us"....
that is what appreciation is all about. appreciate what that person is doing.
its value can never be placed on a certificate or an award.
its what you do, that counts.
thank you ServiceSource :-) you folks are awesome :-)
i would like to thank God for giving me Ramadhan for 2011.
i would like to thank God for giving me a great job :-)
i would like to thank God for giving me a great mum, sis, and bro.
as i am writing this, we have only completed day 2 of Ramadhan.
but i am soo looking forward to Eid at the end of the month :-)
PS.
Gooo Zeekster !
Zaki van Persie
Friday, 30 July 2010
it has been awhile since i've updated this blog of mine.that is because alot of things have been happening in my life.
yes, i quit my job again.
yes, i was disappointed in my love life again (see previous entry)
for the job perspective, i was feeling unappreciated.
by both onsite engineer team leader, by most end users, by the organisation as a whole.
once again, lots of promises made, but none fulfilled.
had enough of their bullshit, one day i woke up and decided that i don't want to do this again.
submitted my resignation letter :-)
surprised alot of people, but not myself. seen it coming.
once learned in maslow hierarchy of needs that all those factors have to be fulfilled in order for one's needs to be fully satisfied. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs)
realised that i was running on empty :-)
needs not fulfilled. lost purpose. resigned without job.
thank God, found a job just after 16 days of officially being unemployed.
got some things done in the house actually.
installed a wall switch for my wall fan, it is now sitting beside my light switch :-)
spend some quality time with mom and sis.
went Desaru again, picking rambutans, mangoesteen, and dukong (http://www.travelblog.org/Photos/2743998)
but none of these can match the sadness of watching a life go away, no matter how small it may be.
yes, i watch a cat die after some fuckass Comfort taxi driver ran over it.
never before have i felt so sad in my life.
watching that cat lie motionless in the middle of the road after being run over by that prickass cab.
i ran to the side of the road, holding my packet of tea, hoping and praying for a miracle.
it happened for awhile. saw the cat's head popped up abit.
not thinking, ran to the cat. almost cried, saw the cat writhing in pain.
carefully carried the cat by the underarms, and placed it beside the big tree.
said a prayer for the cat right after it died.
Life comes from God, returns to God.
never felt so helpless in my life.
could only prevent the cat from being a mush on the road.
least i could do was to let it die in dignity.
couldn't even close the cat's eyes, body in rigor.
two words for the cab driver. FUCK YOU.
hope the driver gets what he deserves.
Zaki van Persie
Saturday, 27 March 2010
it should be a saturday morning when i am writing this...here i am again, alone, bored, sad and angry for myself.. letting myself being fooled by a girl again..or maybe was it me that let myself be fooled by ladies again.
too many times have i been hurt by them.. i think its time that i vowed to myself that never shall i be fooled by them again.. its time i leave this to God.. or my mum hehehe
for those of you who are interested, it all happens when i transferred back to HP / EDS.. about a month after that i start to notice this girl in the shuttle bus... yup, this stupid heart of mine also starts to take interest...
the usual crap feeling start to creep up in me.. and 6 long months after that, i decided to get some guts and approach her one day, when i was going home taking the shuttle bus. it was nice, i have to admit.. dinner, talking over the phone.. i have to admit.. a feeling that i have always longed for in my life.
reality starts to kick in quickly now thou as after my enjoyable trip to Desaru, never before have I felt soo quick to long for another Desaru trip.. i was thinking.. it was a damn wasteful trip that only 1 day later, i felt that i need another one... thanks eh Liana...
the phrase "just wanna be friends" is a nicer, more polite way of saying "fuck off from my life". Everyone knows that. but it would even be more polite if you tell me that from day 1, and tell me that you are seeing someone, or not interested in getting to know me. yes i know, i am ugly, poor. the difference between you and some other people out there is that they have the guts to tell me the truth and not play me for a fucking fool... i also dun fucking mind if u tell me that i'm too old for u goddamn it..
but no, you've got to do the fake smiles, giggles, laughter.. and Mr Moron over here jus got to fall for all those all over again and yadda yadda yadda... and yes.. what impeccable timing.. got to know her days before her birthday... thank god i forgot already... i am not good with dates of ppl who scorned me... but that will leave a valuable lesson for me to learn..
till today, i still cannot believe i bought for her a bracelet from Citigems.. i barely dun even know this girl.. oh my god.. what is happening to me ? am i that naive ? am i that gullible ? God please help me.. Ya Allah... janganlah pertemukan diriku dengan orang orang sebegini.. Amin..
Zaki van Persie
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
wow.. it has been a long while since i've updated my own blog. well, here i am again, ranting LOL.2009 has been an emotional year for me. as i look at my last entry, i seemed to be struggling with alot of things in my life. never actually realising that i am enjoying life :-)
Thank God, i am back on track with my job. Never realised that I have people who actually believed in me. Believed in what I can do. Believed in the potential that i have.. Thank you to those who believed in me. You know who you are.. PSM, OM.. you guys deserve better than this.. you know where i'm coming from.
Next, i want to thank my family. The best vacation i've ever had so far. I would love to do that again with you guys. really gave me a reason to carry on. :-)
experience is invaluable. you cannot put a price on it. you have to earn it. you have to live through it. all that i have reaped at personally and professionally, it made me who i am today. hopefully for the better and not for the worse. people makes mistakes. no one is perfect. but behind it all, there is always a reason why things happen. to be able to see through it, you have got to have patience. it is, after all, half of faith.
i can smile whole-heartedly now. things that i have learnt from here on in. priceless. treasures that you can never get from anywhere else in this world, or even the universe. except living through it yourself. life. live it. don't look back. no regrets. pick yourself up after falling and carry on moving. :-) thats how i've done it, am doing it, and going to do it.
Seasons' Greetings Folks.
Zaki van Persie
Friday, 6 November 2009
i am a very weak human being... i can only run away from my problems... my work problem, my life problem.. i dunno how to face them.. these problems...i held back tears on my way home on thursday, after knowing that... immediately as i got home, i went to Umi. i gave her a hug, and cried over her shoulder... i told her that, she thanked God that she found someone in her life. beneath my teary cheeks i smiled... i can't keep it inside me anymore... she patted my back as i hugged her again... jokingly she told me that after i have settled down properly with my work, she'd find me someone... i laughed as i heard that... laughing as i cried..
i washed my face, took off my contact lenses, did my ablution, and do Maghrib. immediately after that i cried again... i did my usual doa... still keeping her in it...
i pray that you both are happy... now and always :-) ... it hurts like hell now... even worse than before.. chest pains keep coming back, those wake ups at 3am, crying in the middle of the night...
i got 0 job satisfaction, 0 life satisfaction... i lost the will to live... i got nothing to cling on to... no hope, no faith, no life... only God... i say His name alot now... in the midst of my crying i prayed for myself... please... please don't make it hurt physically and mentally...
Not even reservist can sate me... Knight Rider marathons didn't do the trick... i dunno what else to do...
Zaki van Persie
Thursday, 29 October 2009
i just had to be itchy fingered didn't i ? i just had to snoop around didn't i ? i just had to poke my nose around didn't i ?i jus hav to find out about it. i dunno why... but i just had to find out about it...
how do i feel ? my god.. i can't even put words to what i am feeling right now...
as i saw it in front of my eyes.. there is no denying it... i know now what i hav to do...
i've got to move on.. i have to move on... i MUST move on...
God... please help me...
Zaki van Persie
Monday, 5 October 2009
it has been a while since i've last updated my blog. i will sum up the good things that has happened to me for the past month.1) successfully completed 1 month of fasting with no hiccups or complications. thank you God.
2) successfully made it to and from Desaru. thank you God.
3) successfully completed my visitations in the planned destinations in Desaru. thank you God.
in short, Eid was, once again, a successful and joyous occasion, largely thanks to God, for making it happen. i can never thank God enough.
gazillion thanks to my Umi, Maziah and Fad. yes, my family. i could never wish for a better family than you folks. you three really stick with me through thick and thin. thats why i cried when i hug umi in the morning of Eid (hehe u guys didn't see it). i love you.. all three of you (mazeek, yes, u can chastise me later).
i will not go on stating that everything is fine and dandy with my life. no more hidden sorrows beneath that creaky smile of mine. cos i am sick of my fake smiles and pretentious thumbs-ups... nevertheless, i keep telling myself to count my blessings and remind myself that there are people out there with more rubbish predicament than me :-)
due to "complications" of my career, my monthly pay packet have been adjusted. meaning, i hav to make cutbacks to my lifestyle. yes, i admit, that it is hard on me to make adjustments after 2 years of earning a certain amount of pay. to those who know me well, this means that i cannot do these things that i have listed below :-
a) no more weekday after office hours activities.
b) no more weekend activities unless ABSOLUTELY necessary.
c) no more every other month car rentals.
d) no more unnecessary spendings (karaoke, hanging outs, pool, bla bla bla yadda yadda) ...
these are the things that i can do to adjust myself to the new pay packet :-
a) healthier lunch
b) going home straight after work
c) stay home on weekends to maximise the usage of my Cable TV and Broadband and of course, my HDTV 8D *grins*
things that i have done / will keep doing :-
a) downgraded my Broadband to 2mbps (no difference anyways)
b) taking shuttle bus to and from work
c) staying to my roots and be a home-ly person :-)
d) waiting for a few agencies to reply to my applications... (hopefully not have to wait for long)
and NO, i do not want to work towards being a service desk specialist. i am fucking sick of IT. i need to RE-HAUL ass just to reach where i was... for the 4th time ... my God, how daft can that be... can you fucking imagine people who i mentored and trained are now earning higher than me.. i am not biting the hand that feeds me.. but COME ON... of cos you people can jus tell me that i can't compare apple with orange.. and yeak fuck off to those who tell me that i am not thankful... you don't really know me then... stop saying that you know what i am going through ... aku tidak pernah kacau atau menyusahkan orang ...
With this, I would like to sincerely apologise to those people out there who are used to having me during after-office hours and weekends, and that i seek your kind understanding and patience towards aiding me going through this horrendous phase when i exclude myself from such activities.
I would also like to apologise if my infernal whinings have been such a bore and hassle for you to bear and hear and for this, i would try my very best to minimise my whinings and keep more to myself in order not to trouble you folks. It will also assist me in making through this.
To those people who have been encouraging me to go on, i thank you from the bottom of my heart. you are in my prayers.
To those people who have been ill-wishing or ill-praying for me in hopes that these are the just desserts that i deserve, my middle finger to you and that i only have 2 words for you.
FUCK YOU.
to those who i have offended in this post. my sincere apologies. but i dun give a care about your 2-cents anymore. just leave me be :-) and i will be fine.
thank you for your generous time and kind attention in this matter.
Zaki van Persie