Thursday 31 July 2008
It took me a very quiet train ride home to find out all these...
About a year ago, I showed to the team that I could be swayed by good looks, tight skinny jeans and silky hair waving at my face. Her name was Hafizah. This job was not cut out for her. She was too straight. She was a bimbo. She needs more things to fiddle with. Programming. Thats why 5 months later she resigned. And yes, she was gorgeous, ruby red lips. I showed favouritism. Handhold her like I've never handhold her before. Just to get close to her. I made a mistake.
At that time, I was still taking charge of Rozi and Farihin's group. Their trust towards me dwindled. Unsure of what I might do next. They became scared to do anything with me. Scared that I might leave them bare. Now I know. Now I understand. But at that time I do not. Thinking of nonsensical stuff. Thinking that they "hated" me. Keep doing things without finding out the real reason why. I hated them too. Unable to separate hatred and work anymore, I asked to be switched teams.
January 2008. I was switched teams. I choose to put the past behind. Begin anew with Siti and Ruzanna. They turned out to be the best people I've worked with. Sat down with them and set expectations of one another. Did what they are supposed to do and asked to do. Things move like clockwork. Started focusing more on being an ATL. Started focusing on training, process, procedures, refreshers, resources, guides. Given Team Australia to manage. Faizal and Uma came in. Set the expectations and mentor them. They did extremely well. Gave the three of them global accounts each. They excelled in that too. Talked to people who needs counselling. Guided them through. Give them hope. Letting them know that they are important to the team as well.
July 2008. Now I know why they picked her. They don't want the past to repeat itself. They don't want to pick someone who have done it before and risk him doing it again. They'd rather pick someone whom they have yet to see and are willing to take the risk with her rather than taking someone who they know can do it but cannot do it due to his issues. They'd rather start afresh with someone new rather than getting someone who can do it for sure but have scorned them before. No matter how good he is with his work or how many good things he has done, it can never erase the fact that he has done one bad thing before. I know it now...
I am sorry Ruzanna. I am sorry Farihin. I am sorry Rozi. I am sorry Kat. I am sorry Irma. I am sorry Siti. I am sorry Dao Yun. I am sorry Freddie. I am sorry Hanshun. I am sorry Faizal. I am sorry Uma. I am sorry Lewis. I am so very sorry everyone...
I cannot carry on anymore. I am very tired. I know you all can do it without me. I believe in your capabilities. I'm sorry to say it, but this is where I get off... You all are very nice people. You don't deserve to be with me, the real monster...
Zaki van Persie
Tuesday 29 July 2008
Think about it folks. Why go all the trouble to promote three people when its cheaper to promote two ? Cite some lame reason like you being unobjective or emotional. Wow. In that case, all the people who is trained under him is fucked because his trainings are unobjective... The best part is, getting ready for plan B is good. But plan B also does not involve me !
What does this tell me ? You are actually insulting me ! Telling me that my efforts are nothing !Just because I am an emo freak and an "unobjective" person, you surpass me ! Wow...
Why can't you just tell me the truth ? Sorry Zaki, its cheaper to promote someone below u to team lead. BUT, I need you to provide the same support that you provide Freddie. Its cheaper that way...
Hmm... Lets see now.... I got hated by 2 (now 4 I think, and counting) fuckers, but need to tell them hey this is not like this not like that... But got lambasted for being mean and selective... Wow...
Even if they gave me that, I can say that I have no heart to do it anymore. Yes, I am a human being. I need heart to do my things. But decisions are based on facts. How would I survive being a police officer ??? I can't be letting every female driver speeding go right ?!?! Police taught me to be impartial, fair, just. I cannot issue a summons just because I don't like his face ?!?!?! My God...
I gave them a timeline. But it was only for formalities sake. I don't want to work for people who choose to see who I am and not what I am. I am a person who does my accounts, help others when they need it, guide them through complex process, prepares guides, updates process list, manage logistics, tackle tough emails, reminding people to do certain things, checking up on validation reports, finding out from process team of unknown issues, checks up with people on IT tickets, reminds people of process, conducts refreshers, handholds people... the list goes on and on....
These are not the roles of a leader. A leader needs to be accepted by the select few in their circle of friends, hate a fucker by the name of Zaki because they can't step on him anymore, despise him because he have feelings and can get hurt. Then you can become a leader. Ok.
I am sad. Nobody takes notice of what I do for 2.75 years. I asked my mum. I wanted to quit. She asked me, are you happy there son ? I said no. I am miserable. She gave her blessing.
Kau dah tak suka kerja kat situ ?Kalau begitu, nak berhenti, berhentilah.Buat apa kau nak susahkan diri kau.Insya-Allah, kau akan dapat kerja lain dengan pengalaman yang kau dapat selama ini...I love my mum. She is the best. Yes. It is not a total waste. The experience was invaluable.
Time to go somewhere where I get to be properly appreciated.
Time to go somewhere where they call my name just to say hi instead of eh Zaki, how ah ?
This one how ah ? That one how ah ? Hate me so much but still ask me for help. No more free meals folks...
At least when I was a security guard at Harbourfront, everyone says hi to me. From the cleaner to the manager. Even though the pay is fucked, I stayed on for a year. The people appreciated me. Even when I went there during my off days, they still say hi to me. The power of appreciation. You fuckers need a course on this... if they ever had any...
My turn to ask. Hmm... 1 Aug 2008 ! How ah ??
Zaki van Persie
Monday 28 July 2008
Hey Folks.
Felt better after the nonsensical mayhem at work. Talked to an old friend of mine. Jason Chew. Thanks bro. Needed that.
Would like to thank Ariff as well. You are my guardian angel. Putting a fan beneath my wings...
Ben.. heh, just for being there bro... u r indeed Ben Oh...
I would like to narrate to you a story based on actual events. The characters and names used here are fictionous and any similarities to real persons are purely coincidental.
On 10 November 2005, Zachary joined Team Cell at Keppel. He came in together with Frank. Together, they started off with being booklet experts. Over time, they learnt about the work process and methods. Sending finished booklets to web producers to be advertised online for named clients. Over time, there are new people started coming into the team. The first one was kinda cute at first, Zachary thought, when Willy, then Running Manager, introduced her to the team. Frank then told Zachary, eh yah hor. Roxanne was her name and she is going to be in the web producing team. Zachary, at that time, didn't socialise with the rest of the team. His close friend and buddy was Frank. They went WTC for lunch most of the time. Sometimes stopped at TekComm to buy snacks. At that time, the team was in harmony with the legendary Hammon Pierce (walking encyclopedia), Stanley(oil man), Vicky(Running Lead), Jess, Wanda, Amanda.
Few months later, when Frank and Zachary settled down well with their jobs, they started to venture to the other side. They then got to know Lily, Marianne, Rose, Sophia and Jeffrey. They were part of the web producers team, under the same management. Nice bunch of people. We give booklets, they send it to the web. Simple.
It was then announced that they wanted to introduce a new system called eDotDog. To cope with the migration and extra workloads, they hired more people. Kelly, who is Roxanne's friend btw, Sally, a mother of one. Zachary thought she was cute initially. Married but nice. Hmm.. Anyways, Zachary, Diana Yates, Kelly and Sally sat together in one happy row until all of them moved to the new building. Station 2, it was called. This point of time, the migration went underway after the testing was over.
Over at Station 2, halfway thru the migration, we decided hire some extra help. Ben Lim, was a significant help as he stayed on to be booklet expert. The migration was tough. As people needed to stay on till late at nights, pressure was mounting on the existing seniors. Halfway thru, management changed hands. Willy moved on to bigger heights. He deserved it. The seniors couldn't take system crap. At that point of time, 7 of them decided to call it quits. Stanley was then a Specialist Lead. To make up with the attrition rates, they hired more people. Sara Yates and Daisy sat together with Zachary in between. Poor Zachary, needing to run away to another place to answer his phone calls from his girlfriend due to her possessiveness. Zachary loved her. At this point of time, Stanley approached Zachary to help him with accessive accounts after 7 seniors have left. Believing that he can do it and at the same time mentoring Sara Yates and Daisy, he said yes. Stanley promised 2 months. It went on to be 5. But every day. Zachary persevered. He knows that thru this, he can learn alot of the job and being a mentor. It pays dividends in the future for him. Frank was a Circle Leader at that time along with Lilly. Good for him.
Things settled down. After 9 months, management decided to give Zachary a pat in the back for helping the team to do 28 accounts while the team steadies itself. Zachary smiled. He learned alot. Giving guidance and doing 28 accounts helped him alot. It improved his work tremendously. They moved to level 7 after a few months. Things were hectic. System was not stable. Zachary was then known to be mentor, guiding new people coming to the team. Zachary loved it. The feeling of helping people was good.
Soon after, the team had a system of Circle Leaders, Wing Leaders and Assistant Wing Leaders and Running Lead. Circle Leaders were Zachary, Rose, Diana Yates, Jackson and Connie. Frank was already Asst. Wing Leader. Stanley was Wing Leader. Zachary's performance at work was good, he was also blessed with a happy relationship.
Things changed when members of the seniors left again. Connie left, not happy with holding dual roles. Sally took over her as Circle Leader. Francisco joined the team. Diana Yates was made Asst Wing Leader. Frank was Wing Leader. There were 2 teams as the numbers reached 30. Stanley and Zachary was in another team.
Stanley wasn't happy. For 4 years, who wasn't. Issues, people and escalations. He got people issues. Was so grumpy all the time and all. All the things Stanley did needs to be reasoned out nicely to the team by Zachary. Zachary wasn't happy that Stanley was assertive all the time. Stanley quit. They restructured the team. Zachary was very very happy that the team was finally stabilizing. But he had to pay a price for it. His girlfriend was getting paranoid and more possessive. But Zachary persevered on. Work and play.
10 November 2006. Zachary was officially given Asst Wing Leader. He was very happy. He vowed to help the team under him with work, process and procedures. As he see Frank still quite new to being Wing Leader, he volunteered to take up process and training from him. He loves to give people guidance and the knowledge that he knows to the team and vowed to make things easier for them. So that whatever that they have gone thru with Stanley will not be repeated. It took a heavy toll on him. He was scratching his head. His Circle Leaders was doing fine at first, but later on, the input started to dwindle. Looking at the positive, Zachary dismissed these as them being busy with their booklets and stuff and decided to help them do their portion of work and put their names in place of it. Mistake number 1 for Zachary. Spoon feeding. Not having time with being Asst Wing Leader. Lost the idea.
Zachary was wondering why the dwindle. Dismissed them to be busy with work. Fine. 20 August 2007. Lost his love. Got cranky at work. Little or no input from Circle Leads + coping with the loss of his love is not easy. Very soon, he was struggling to keep abreast with actually managing the two circles and his role as an Asst Wing Leader. He didn't tell Frank about this. Didn't want to hurt Rose and Francisco. Mistake number 2. Taking everything in and not letting any out. Bottled up like coke... Bad mistake.
Tempers flared. Workload not shared. Everything was chaos for Zachary. Circle Leads getting personal and picked on him for being personal. My god... they were right. But not with his ex. But struggling to tell them to do this to do that. Considered them to be "friends". Big Mistake number 3. There are no friends out there. All stabbers. Lesson not learnt.
1 December 2007. Cannot tahan already. Zachary told Janice, new Running Lead. Cannot work with Rose and Francisco. Hope she did something. Prayers answered. Thank God. But running away from problem. Not solving it. Pitiful.
1 January 2008. Announced switch by Janice. Zachary to manage Roxanne and Sally and their circles. Diana Yates to manage Rose and Francisco. Best thing ever. 1 February 2008. Zachary was finally given the opportunity to focus on his role as Asst Wing Leader. My God... the feeling was good, he said. Focused more on process and training. Holding more refresher courses, finally get the chance to look into the process list, update and amend it according to current up to date process. It is amazing when people work in synergy. Like a perfect clockwork. Roxanne and Sally complimented Zachary with their wonderful sense of duty and responsibility. Finally, Zachary said, things were looking good.
Zachary was so happy that he was given Kiwi Team by Frank. Frank's load was eased more so that he could focus on managing the team better. He works well with Janice, our Running Lead. Zachary was very well into his mood. Mentoring his Circle Leaders, guiding them on how to reply emails and stuffs, how to tackle clients. Guided Team Kiwi well. Putting his troubled past with Rose and Francisco aside. Making improvements to process, getting Team Kiwi, comprising of Lenny, Uzza and Ferdinand, involved with the rest of the booklet producing. But things were not done according to process by Team Kiwi member, Lenny. One day, had enough of how he explained things to Ferdinand, Zachary decided to tell him off. Till this day, Lenny is still somewhat unhappy with Zachary. Nonsensical mentoring cannot be tolerated, thought Zachary. If he cannot see that, then its too bad for him. Mistake number 4. Never give out full information to people. Not very unappreciative of them in future. Step over his head one day.
Ferdinand and Uzza was the bright one. Finally, good people came into our team. Together with Jane, Patricia, Hendry. Good people. Absorbed training well. One not doing well thou. Maybe just slow. Yeap she is. Just slow. Well, not Zachary's team. He is adopting the 80 20 policy. It works wonders for him.
Focused on his Circle Leaders. Roxanne. Pity her for doing alot other than booklets. Delegated some of her tasks to her Circle members, Joanne, Daisy and Sara Yates. Went out well. Wrote emails for her to management too. Mistake number 5. Never be too nice. Well, too late for that.
Morale issues for Sally's Circle thou. Hancock, Joseph, Leah and Irene. Spent time talking to Hancock that its okay its alright. Hopes he pulls thru. Sally also did the same. Boy she did. One of the most effective Circle Leaders.
1 June 2008. One fine day, Zachary sat down in his chair. Smiling. Things are working perfectly for him. Process, training, mentoring, documentation of process, refreshers, his Wing... He thanks God. Mistake number 6. Dun count ur eggs in the basket early...
1 July 2008. Zachary feeling the mundaneness of it all. Process, training, mentoring, documentation of process, refreshers, his Wing... 1.5 years is no joke.. too tired to think. Shh, just do and help others while you are still here. Mistake number 7. Help but dun help too much. Later on they dun need ur help and then u will be useless. Happening...
24 July 2008. Bombshell dropped on Zachary. Brain dead. 3 days to think... OH MY GOD. He's FUCKED ! woohoo.... wooooooooooooooooot... wooooooooooooooot ~~~~~~
29 July 2008. Zachary printed out letter, put inside cupboard. Check email, see last night's sent letter. Awaiting reply. Opened Gmail. Sent out lots of letter. Met Jackson for coffee. Felt better... Met Mickey. Felt even better...
Lessons learnt by Zachary for the past 2 years 9 months :-
1) Its okay for others to overlook u but not okay for u to overlook others.
2) Whether u started it or not, reconciliations needed to be started by u and not others for conflicts. Wow... wrong or right need to start. Maybe Zachary needs a key for ignitions...
3) Truckloads of patience can also run out.
4) People have the sudden confidence to manage a team of 30 when told by Running Managers, but said dun wan when asked about managing 15 by Asst Wing Leader... The power of persuasion and position... Wish Zachary had that...
5) Others can fuck Zachary but Zachary cannot fuck others... amazing one, this...
6) SISPEC officers are intelligent people... Go ARMY !
7) Whatever Lenny did to Zachary was also done to Jackson when he was his Circle Lead... wow... guess he's a retard...
8) People can suddenly go blind when it comes to promotion. Talk about handicap...
9) Personality can determine leaders. Can someone introduce that to USA...
10) Actions mean squat if nobody notices it... Harvey "2-Face" Dent...
11) Zachary feels like Batman. Does alot of good but still wanted by the police. Well, at least Batman's recognised...
12) Humans can transform to launch pads... Autobods !!! TRANSFORM...
13) Watching Raw Deal in the weekends rock... Go Arnie...
14) Stand up and fight for it, even if it involves you knocking horns with your friends... they show no mercy to you, so why must u weep for them ?
15) Always include your Running Managers and Running Leads in email for whatever you do, including saving a cat from a tree or helping a grandma crossing the street... They have no idea what you are doing...
Number of enemies Zachary raked up : 2 (amazingly, and counting)
Number of friends Zachary have : umm not sure.. needs them to raise hands now..
Now seeing the reply would be fun...
Zaki van Persie