Thursday, 31 July 2008
It took me a very quiet train ride home to find out all these...About a year ago, I showed to the team that I could be swayed by good looks, tight skinny jeans and silky hair waving at my face. Her name was Hafizah. This job was not cut out for her. She was too straight. She was a bimbo. She needs more things to fiddle with. Programming. Thats why 5 months later she resigned. And yes, she was gorgeous, ruby red lips. I showed favouritism. Handhold her like I've never handhold her before. Just to get close to her. I made a mistake.
At that time, I was still taking charge of Rozi and Farihin's group. Their trust towards me dwindled. Unsure of what I might do next. They became scared to do anything with me. Scared that I might leave them bare. Now I know. Now I understand. But at that time I do not. Thinking of nonsensical stuff. Thinking that they "hated" me. Keep doing things without finding out the real reason why. I hated them too. Unable to separate hatred and work anymore, I asked to be switched teams.
January 2008. I was switched teams. I choose to put the past behind. Begin anew with Siti and Ruzanna. They turned out to be the best people I've worked with. Sat down with them and set expectations of one another. Did what they are supposed to do and asked to do. Things move like clockwork. Started focusing more on being an ATL. Started focusing on training, process, procedures, refreshers, resources, guides. Given Team Australia to manage. Faizal and Uma came in. Set the expectations and mentor them. They did extremely well. Gave the three of them global accounts each. They excelled in that too. Talked to people who needs counselling. Guided them through. Give them hope. Letting them know that they are important to the team as well.
July 2008. Now I know why they picked her. They don't want the past to repeat itself. They don't want to pick someone who have done it before and risk him doing it again. They'd rather pick someone whom they have yet to see and are willing to take the risk with her rather than taking someone who they know can do it but cannot do it due to his issues. They'd rather start afresh with someone new rather than getting someone who can do it for sure but have scorned them before. No matter how good he is with his work or how many good things he has done, it can never erase the fact that he has done one bad thing before. I know it now...
I am sorry Ruzanna. I am sorry Farihin. I am sorry Rozi. I am sorry Kat. I am sorry Irma. I am sorry Siti. I am sorry Dao Yun. I am sorry Freddie. I am sorry Hanshun. I am sorry Faizal. I am sorry Uma. I am sorry Lewis. I am so very sorry everyone...
I cannot carry on anymore. I am very tired. I know you all can do it without me. I believe in your capabilities. I'm sorry to say it, but this is where I get off... You all are very nice people. You don't deserve to be with me, the real monster...
Zaki van Persie