Thursday, 29 October 2009
i just had to be itchy fingered didn't i ? i just had to snoop around didn't i ? i just had to poke my nose around didn't i ?i jus hav to find out about it. i dunno why... but i just had to find out about it...
how do i feel ? my god.. i can't even put words to what i am feeling right now...
as i saw it in front of my eyes.. there is no denying it... i know now what i hav to do...
i've got to move on.. i have to move on... i MUST move on...
God... please help me...
Zaki van Persie
Monday, 5 October 2009
it has been a while since i've last updated my blog. i will sum up the good things that has happened to me for the past month.1) successfully completed 1 month of fasting with no hiccups or complications. thank you God.
2) successfully made it to and from Desaru. thank you God.
3) successfully completed my visitations in the planned destinations in Desaru. thank you God.
in short, Eid was, once again, a successful and joyous occasion, largely thanks to God, for making it happen. i can never thank God enough.
gazillion thanks to my Umi, Maziah and Fad. yes, my family. i could never wish for a better family than you folks. you three really stick with me through thick and thin. thats why i cried when i hug umi in the morning of Eid (hehe u guys didn't see it). i love you.. all three of you (mazeek, yes, u can chastise me later).
i will not go on stating that everything is fine and dandy with my life. no more hidden sorrows beneath that creaky smile of mine. cos i am sick of my fake smiles and pretentious thumbs-ups... nevertheless, i keep telling myself to count my blessings and remind myself that there are people out there with more rubbish predicament than me :-)
due to "complications" of my career, my monthly pay packet have been adjusted. meaning, i hav to make cutbacks to my lifestyle. yes, i admit, that it is hard on me to make adjustments after 2 years of earning a certain amount of pay. to those who know me well, this means that i cannot do these things that i have listed below :-
a) no more weekday after office hours activities.
b) no more weekend activities unless ABSOLUTELY necessary.
c) no more every other month car rentals.
d) no more unnecessary spendings (karaoke, hanging outs, pool, bla bla bla yadda yadda) ...
these are the things that i can do to adjust myself to the new pay packet :-
a) healthier lunch
b) going home straight after work
c) stay home on weekends to maximise the usage of my Cable TV and Broadband and of course, my HDTV 8D *grins*
things that i have done / will keep doing :-
a) downgraded my Broadband to 2mbps (no difference anyways)
b) taking shuttle bus to and from work
c) staying to my roots and be a home-ly person :-)
d) waiting for a few agencies to reply to my applications... (hopefully not have to wait for long)
and NO, i do not want to work towards being a service desk specialist. i am fucking sick of IT. i need to RE-HAUL ass just to reach where i was... for the 4th time ... my God, how daft can that be... can you fucking imagine people who i mentored and trained are now earning higher than me.. i am not biting the hand that feeds me.. but COME ON... of cos you people can jus tell me that i can't compare apple with orange.. and yeak fuck off to those who tell me that i am not thankful... you don't really know me then... stop saying that you know what i am going through ... aku tidak pernah kacau atau menyusahkan orang ...
With this, I would like to sincerely apologise to those people out there who are used to having me during after-office hours and weekends, and that i seek your kind understanding and patience towards aiding me going through this horrendous phase when i exclude myself from such activities.
I would also like to apologise if my infernal whinings have been such a bore and hassle for you to bear and hear and for this, i would try my very best to minimise my whinings and keep more to myself in order not to trouble you folks. It will also assist me in making through this.
To those people who have been encouraging me to go on, i thank you from the bottom of my heart. you are in my prayers.
To those people who have been ill-wishing or ill-praying for me in hopes that these are the just desserts that i deserve, my middle finger to you and that i only have 2 words for you.
FUCK YOU.
to those who i have offended in this post. my sincere apologies. but i dun give a care about your 2-cents anymore. just leave me be :-) and i will be fine.
thank you for your generous time and kind attention in this matter.
Zaki van Persie