Friday, 6 November 2009
i am a very weak human being... i can only run away from my problems... my work problem, my life problem.. i dunno how to face them.. these problems...i held back tears on my way home on thursday, after knowing that... immediately as i got home, i went to Umi. i gave her a hug, and cried over her shoulder... i told her that, she thanked God that she found someone in her life. beneath my teary cheeks i smiled... i can't keep it inside me anymore... she patted my back as i hugged her again... jokingly she told me that after i have settled down properly with my work, she'd find me someone... i laughed as i heard that... laughing as i cried..
i washed my face, took off my contact lenses, did my ablution, and do Maghrib. immediately after that i cried again... i did my usual doa... still keeping her in it...
i pray that you both are happy... now and always :-) ... it hurts like hell now... even worse than before.. chest pains keep coming back, those wake ups at 3am, crying in the middle of the night...
i got 0 job satisfaction, 0 life satisfaction... i lost the will to live... i got nothing to cling on to... no hope, no faith, no life... only God... i say His name alot now... in the midst of my crying i prayed for myself... please... please don't make it hurt physically and mentally...
Not even reservist can sate me... Knight Rider marathons didn't do the trick... i dunno what else to do...
Zaki van Persie